The Revel and the Glory

Reveling in the shifting tides of a new year and the glory that comes with the end of school, I have been feeling a lot this month. November in America represents the turn of autumn into winter, straggling red and yellow leaves left to dangle in solitary on trees branches, Thanksgiving feasts and family gathering. And of course, for me, it represents another year in my life!

In South Africa it is entirely different. Nary a thought of Thanksgiving in mind, educators and students prepare for the end of a long year of study. Lunches and proms and award ceremonies have been dotting the weeks, summer steaming up as the first fires of the season bloom. The days are hot and everyone is anticipating a Christmas season that relates more to the holiday mentality we place on July 4th in the USA.

So with this, last weekend I was spoiled to trip away by Johannes. We rode by motorbike (my first ride ever!) to an area close to the southern tip of Africa, Cape Agulus (furthest south I've been yet). It was a magnificent weekend spent on a small farm holding set in the countryside. As you can see, I busied myself pretending to be artist Andy Goldsworthy, producing a floral object that relates more to a wreath than a takeover of color...I had intended to make something huge, but you see, the flowers kept wilting in the heat and the circle shrank and shrank and shrank!






























My birthday was celebrated in many ways, including many phonecalls and cards and sneaky gifts from home. Additionally, my friends here joined for a braai hosted at my friend Christa's place in Camps Bay where we loaded a 12" grill with pounds of "wors" sausage and watched the sun set over the sea. Finally, Monday morning at school, my crew of Student Librarians threw a surprise breakfast for me. I entered the library only to see children climbing out of the bookshelves, hopping about a room taken over with streamers, balloons, candle light and, of course, chocolate cake! The teachers completed the occassion by singing happy birthday to me in English, Afrikaans, and Xhosa. So it was truly a weekend of spirit, of realizing that my efforts put into this place of Cape Town have turned it into something of a home, filled with people who love me!































And whilst I'm feeling so special, I've been able to participate in some even bigger things this week. St. Paul's hosted 2 awards ceremonies to celebrate the academic achievements and improvements made by students this year. I was included in the celebration and awarded 24 students - 12 librarians for their outstanding efforts and 12 literacy students for their improvement in our time together. To boot, I witnessed several of "my" librarians receive the honor of becoming Prefects for next year. We don't really have anything like prefects in the U.S., but they are students in the top level of the school chosen to help lead the rest of the school. A "Head" Girl and Boy are chosen and both were members of my library group. Leonora Rutsa was selected for Head Girl - she has been my right hand in the development of the library, requesting from me that I come to school to work on Saturdays! It was a real "mamma" moment for me to witness her up on stage, totally unaware of her award, burst into tears at the honor of her selection. I had 2 big fat tears of joy rolling down my cheeks. I don't think I've ever felt anything as selfless and giving about this kind of love and joy that I feel for my students. It is an eye-opener into the ways a child can unbuckle the heart.

I am feeling very emotional as the last 2 weeks of school quickly approach! There is so much to do, and so little time. The students are constantly barraging me with questions of how and why and won't I be able to stay next year??? It becomes more and more difficult to understand how I can leave this community, this holding where my heart has truly found a place. But at the end of the day, it will happen. It is my commitment and my personal financial capacity that has enabled me to sustain 12 months at this school and I am relaxing into remembering that. All I know is that there will be a lot of tear shed in the coming weeks and I am prepared!

Ceilings, Beams and Trees

Curled up on my bed, looking at the old wooden ceiling, I am simultaneously in the grips of kidney pain and in the grasp of love. On the eve of my 27th birthday (well, almost), there must be comets rocketing in Sagittarius and Scorpio for I can feel the ground shaking.

I am alone in my kidney pain, suffering some sort of infection, probably brought on by the stresses of finishing my final month at St. Paul’s. I cannot believe this year has almost come to a close. It’s incredibly emotional and I find myself on the verge of tears to part with the many relationships I have built. There’s the group of amazing 12-year-old girls, Student Librarians, who have been my right hand throughout the development of the library. There are the students I’ve witnessed improve, stretch in confidence and attitude and learn the tongue of English and its words on paper. There are the students I’ve taught who still struggle, who I leave knowing their developing struggles are left for other hands. And there are the colleagues who have cared for me, who have supported my struggle, and who have taught me how to laugh and be even naughtier in my humor.

Part of my ever-developing roller coaster, red dirt path, yellow brick road, walk through life, is Johannes. I feel so bold relaying this all here! But he is an important part of my story. There will be more to write, but for now our relationship is developing as though we’ve known each other for years. Truth be known, I’ve known him face-to-face for less than 30 days as he’s been working in Mozambique since we met last May. He returned to Cape Town two weekends ago and I was heartbroken to find he’d be leaving in January to start another job in Kwa-Zulu Natal. He didn’t hesitate for a second to invite me to join him there.

And so, yes, I have agreed. As my time with St. Paul’s represents momentous change, this move will slide in perfectly to the next slot. Johannes is a furniture maker, woodworker, carpenter, and builder… however you name it, he works with wood. He’s been offered a job to build a tented camp on a game farm in KZN near the town Pongola, just south of the border to Swaziland. I remember from my trip to that area with my dad last December how it tasted - green, woody, lush, delicate, hot. At the moment, it’s not 100% solid as we’re awaiting confirmation from his bosses that it will be okay for me to join.

It’s a major risk. Yes, there will be the nice parts, like buffalo grazing on the grass outside the cabin! And having a garden (though I may have to contend with kudu for permission). And being immersed in nature. But a lot of it is about putting my faith forward on a new platform. This past 16 months has been about me, on my own, forging my way through social complexities, building relationships from scratch, developing my working self in the context of chaos. This next segment will be about me risking myself on a more emotional level, putting my trust into something else, not knowing what my plans will be, letting it just fall into place. For those of you who know me, not planning is not a general part of my existence.

As you can see, I’m quite excited, dreaming while gazing at my ceiling. All the exercises of this year have built me up to take this next step. So, we shall see. Regardless, my life will soon be shifting in new directions once again. C’est la vie!

Marco, Polo....

A new day today, a new month, a new home on Polo Road. It's been splendidly sunny in Cape Town the last week, but the wind has been swirling about like nobody's business. I thought I'd escaped it today by moving from Camps Bay to Observatory. Last weekend the wind was so terrible it felt like the whole block of flats was about to fly off towards the land of Oz.

My new neighborhood is very colorful, literally and figuratively. To many peoples' shagrin, it is a bit of dodgey area, though I reckon it's not so different from Logan Square (where I lived in Chicago) in comparison to other neighborhoods here. There are a lot of homeless people about, but the exciting part to me is that is a very mixed area. Economically, racially, and culturally I think the whole spectrum of South Africa is present. It really is quite magical after having spent so much time in affluent areas too exclusive to invite a mixture of people. I'm sure the longer I spend here, the more I will have to say.

I finished my Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) course on Friday and begin back at St. Paul's on Tuesday. I will have exactly 5 weeks left to teach when I return, though I suspect the bulk of my time will be directed towards the library. There have been an incredible amount of new monetary donations - including about $800 (some from China, some from Mt. Holly) - and used book donations from local Cape Townians. So there will be a lot of purchasing taking place and a lot of book prep in this last month, which is very exciting!

Yesterday, with a sore neck, I decided to pre-emptively spend some birthday money on a shiatsu massage, by a local therapist who many had recommended. It was one of the more emotionally intense experiences of my life as he actually "channelled" my energy. He was talking to me the entire time I received the massage and he tapped into many things about me that I never mentioned. It was almost like he was inside my head and halfway through the massage I couldn't help but let tears stream from my eyes. He challenged me so thoroughly it was as though he'd held a mirror to every criticism I already hold of myself. He worked on my lower back where I hold a lot of memory tension and still today I am sore. Even he found it to be remarkable that he had received so much information about me. I think it actually marks ground I need to focus on and in light of that I am glad I had the whole of today to "unpack" my bags. It's time I stopped living out of a suitcase.

just a moment

Sigh. Please forgive me, but I need you to give me just a moment to indulge myself


to say

I'm homesick!

Thirteen months and two days in, it's true. So I would like to take this space to share a little slice of my yellowbrick road, of sorts [please don't mind that it's actually an image of shorn earth, due to an airport expansion project; it's the red dirt I'm most concerned with!]. Missing you, each and every one!

Mountains Heave

Driving to the Little Karoo Friday, I partook in an incredible light show through my backseat window. At dusk, the incredibly clear layers of clouds hovering above the Du Toitskloof Mountains were astounding. Translucent blue overhead and creamy white patching over the electric vermillion clouds gleaming from behind. All the while, masses of mountain flesh looming up from the stretch of road, heaving, pulsing, writhing to the flashes of sunset light….okay, I’ll stop. Getting a little bit frantic there with my description. But to say the least, mind-blowing.

Moving out of Margie's flat has set me up with a new kind of stability - the sort where uncertainty is certain. Not meaning to sound so profound about it, that is actually how my reality stands right now.

I've had a few terrific weeks, "settling" into this new, more uncertain life of mine where magnificent Swedes sweep in for the weekend; where I get to join in family dinners (Adrian & roommate Sophia being the family); where I've woken up to 4 different views over the course of 20 days; where I have absolutely no smidgen of routine; to where I am trying to relax, as much as possible into this new way of being. It's kind of like yin yoga, where one must relax their muscles and let gravity do the rest to engage the deep connective tissues throughout the rest of the body.

In this time, I've encountered quite a few changes, so let's not put it entirely to falling off a bed onto a couch! My little Daihatsu Cuore of 1998 is giving way to the pressures of time. The clutch positively died before cresting the neck if the mountain into town - thus leaving me with a costly repair! Only 3 days later the car puttered and puffed and eventually stalled while enroute to the airport. It was a windy night and I could feel the car being battered by the wind, all the while stressing about my unfavorable perch on the dangerous N2, a stretch of road one does not want to be found on at night all alone. My epidermis responded with an almost immediate flush of bubbly eczema all over my neck, my body’s stress barometer giving me a fine rash of itch!




















And so it happens that night I was enroute to fetch my father from the airport, yet another but very positive (finally!) change. Dad came to visit for 8 days and left on Thursday for Beijing. We had a very nice time together and it felt so nice to have a visitor come rescue me from myself during a somewhat stressful spell. It was extra special to have Dad in Cape Town & to facilitate different dinners and groupings with the family. After all, without me here, it would probably be very unlikely for Dad to see all my various cousins again. It was nice to be a bridge and to see Dad connect across bloodlines.

Over the one weekend Dad was here for, we traveled to Paternoster, a beautiful little fishing village up the west coast. We dined (opulently) at the local restaurant Die Strandloper, a Khoisan term used to descibe nomads who hunted their food via fishing on the beach. Their particular beach-nomadship gave way to all sorts of fish and breads cooked on an open fire. In best of style, we ate on the beach ten, no kidding, ten courses consisting mainly of fish and bread. Included was crayfish, engelvis, stompneus, and of course, mussels (aka mossels). On our own time in Paternoster Dad & I also managed to build our very own all-American braai (south african term for barbeque). True to South African form, we took about 3 hours to cook our dinner, finally eating our feast of lamb chops at about 10 pm! Please note the candlelit braai photo, our only way to see while cooking!

During Dad’s time here I was also able to share the library with him. Since school was out on spring break during his time here, we managed several very busy mornings in the peace of the childless school, getting a lot of my backing completed! Also, Dad had some more intimate experiences with meeting the school maintenance staff as we all lunched together during those days.





















Alas! Another major change occurred last weekend when my cousin Georgia and her family of 3 set sail for Australia to embark on new opportunities there. Her family (including baba Rebecca, so often featured in my blog) has been my rock while in Cape Town, providing me with an incredibly important lifeline of connectivity. Their emigration of course comes as great loss, however I’ve been so lucky to have them in my first 9 months here in CT. They've enabled me to settle in so sweetly, abundant in afternoon playtimes with Rebecca and even more abundant with advice - like where to buy art supplies, the best koeksisters in town, helping me to navigate the crazy streets, etc.

On Tuesday, while Dad was still here, I started my TEFL course at the English Centre for Language. So far the learning has been fast-paced, days filled with micro-teaching to our small class of 4, observing foreigners in their English classes and speed-dialing through the grammar learned in years way past. But it’s been great and is giving me a taste for better teaching methods and ways to prepare, things I’ve had to teach myself and that I’ve felt could easily be improved upon! It’s a good step in the right direction, although I have had to let go of my baby the “library” and my students for a whole month!



So now, with Georgia, Mike & Rebecca gone and my Dad’s visit over, I am spending a weekend away with Georgia’s father and his wife, Keith and Christina, on their small farm 3 hours drive from CT. It’s located closest to the town of Montagu, at the edge of semi desert in an area called die klein karoo (or the little karoo). Low lying mountains surrounds, mating calls of birds abundantly abounding, 2 little froggies deep swimming in the spring-fed pool, I am enjoying a stupendendously sunny day, reflecting, easing out, soaking up some strong solar energy. It’s weekends like this where it feels like all will come right.

Chapter 4???

Chapter the First was moving to SA & working in rural areas; Chapter the Second was moving to Cape Town; Chapter the Third was returning to the USA and then returning to SA; and Chapter the Fourth is couch surfing, undefined, future up in the air, nomadic.

Wednesday marked the end of 3rd Term at school and the end of my tenure in cousin Margaret's lovely Oranjezicht flat; and it marked the beginning of Spring Holidays and the beginning of my tenure on the various couches of various incredible friends. This week I'll be staying in Camps Bay with Adrian, nomad-cyclying-connoisseur of the Himalayas to the southern tip of Africa South. Next week, it will my papa who is coming to visit in Sea Point. The next... and the next... and the next... we shall see!

As a proper nester, this is so not my style. Yes, it is one thing to pack up and trek across continents, but it's another to be able to live out of suitcase when working as a professional in a western world. And to sponge from the generosity of lovely people and occupy their living rooms! But, I had to suck up my pride for this one. My bank account dwindling every day more, it seemed best to take up my friends' on their couch-hosting offers while I determine my next steps in this place.

Plans are swirling about in the air and there are options awaiting me again in the Free State, as an english teacher, as a student (obtaining a teaching certificate), and possibly even more freewheeling in the open landscape of this continent. For now, I am planning to embark on a one month Teaching English as a Foreign Language course at the beginning of October. It will force me to take some steps away from St. Paul's Primary but will allow me to follow more opportunity come the end of my time at the school in December. I see it as a test, as a chance to see how successful the library will be without me in it, handling it every day. It will give the school the opportunity to take it on fully - but still with me only an arm's reach away. Here's to hoping, and praying!

Still, even more adventure awaits at the beginning of November. I know, it was so predictable from the onset of me moving to SA, but my heart has been captured by that of a very nice lad, Johannes. I haven't seen him since we met in May as he lives building furniture and houses in Mozambique...but I will be joining him for a 2 week jaunt through the Drakensburg mountains of Lesotho (said: Le-soo-too) in November via motorbike. So potentially, another type of road to travel awaits me there. Let me just add that I cannot believe I'm hypothesizing about this on the www: just trying to provide a window into this little life of mine, so bear with me!

Now for those of you unaware, Lesotho is a small country landlocked within the confines of South Africa, a bit south of Johannesburg and west of Durban. Generally, located within the northeast part of the country's whole. Obviously there will be more to follow, but to give you a Lesotho preview (photo from http://www.africanbirdclub.org/countries/Lesotho/introduction.html):

A Year in Review - Words from You that Got Me Through!

Can you even believe it?! Today is one full year since I arrived in SA. I recall arriving with butterflies churning in my stomach and being picked up an hour late at the airport because my little cousin had a catastrophe with a hairbrush.

Yesterday the weather was perfect and I could recognize the distinctive tinge of cool wet in the air, a feeling so specific to my memories of South Africa - that, paired with a cup of tea. My South African friend Adrian said the only other place where he'd experienced this tinge in the air was the Himalayas.

So, I decided to undertake the huge task of going through all my old, personal emails from the last year. Not quite as fun as opening up old letters, but the content is certainly just as good! I thought I would share with you some of the words you all wrote in the past year - words that truly eased, aided, cushioned some very tough moments. Thank you all for that. Here is a brief [okay, maybe not so brief], edited collection of these writings:

oct. 5 - from kim: “I'm amazed, as always, by you. I could hear a calmness in your voice that revealed a deliberation quite unique: bravery that stems not only from confidence in yourself, but also in the people and places and encounters forthcoming. I adore you. …what impresses me more, is how much you respect this population, and how much you believe in their capacity to be empowered. That you are enabling others to become heroes…I don't want you to feel too solo over there, because everyday I feel like I'm still working side-by-side with you on our ever-shape-shifting mission to cultivate and celebrate communication and connection. Go team!

0ct. 18 - from cindy: “The Mt. Holly Autumn Fest is going on tomorrow. Its been dreary here today with misty rain and clouds. Supposed to be 60 degrees and a little windy tomorrow. I have thought about you often and wondered how you are and hope that you are safe! I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. Thank you for your friendship and for always being so kind.”

Nov. 4 - from elisa: “I've been keeping up with your blog and am loving that i'm able to read about all of your experiences. i tried to comment on one of your posts …it was just to thank you for sharing your art with us. really, you're amazing. and i think you could turn your blog into a published book when you're back in the states, if you so desire. your language and your insights are invaluable. truly.”

Nov. 22 - From matt: “I hope you're having a marvelous birthday, and look forward to hearing your voice today. I will call you in a bit, but wanted to express my wishes in writing. You're a lovely sister and person, and you have a wonderful head.”

Jan. 20 - from Leigh: “on the home front, missed you especially at the holidays. had many days of cooking, some new recipes, two that stand out. tangerine sherbet, whoa. Scott said i get an A+. the second is pumpkin bread made with our pumpkins. yum, yum. at its best right out of the oven.”

Jan. 31 - from ryan: “Your teaching adventures sound great and like a wonderful challenge! It sounds like an amazing and complex place as well... the diversity sounds amazing and not surprising at all... can you imagine what it would be like growing up as one of these kids? say from Angola - where the language barrier is probably the greatest as opposed to say the difference btwn Xhosa and Zulu or even French to English...”

Feb. 27 - from sasha: “I'll be thinking of you tomorrow when I hike up the steep-ass grade of Fillmore Street on my way home from Lush. I still begrudge the day you introduced me to that magic stuff. I give them too much of my measly paychecks, and of course their location in San Francisco requires all but mountaineering skills to attain. But my skin thanks you (and my efforts) so every month I'm compelled to make the painful journey again.”

Mar. 6 - from Susannah: "if only you were here april 14: stereo total and leslie & the LYs are playing at cat's cradle in carrboro. i would only go with you! love and miss you.”

Apr. 2 - from Suzanne: “Thank you for your kind note and I hope things are going well for you. The paths are laid in the garden but we have had so much rain....not much has been planted yet. Scott has put in some lettuce, broccoli, radishes. Not sure what Leigh has put in yet.”

Jul. 30 - from mom: “i think about you all the time! i want to write to you and tell you about all the things that remind me of you constantly! thank you for the lovely memories. i have a new screensaver at work of an aerial picture of cape town....of course, i can pin point behind signal hill where you are at school too! it pains me to have left that all that beauty behind and to be back here.”

Aug. 25 - from Amber: “I wanted to say, that of all the volunteers we have had on the programme, judging from the people I spoke to when recently in Viljoenskroon, it was your trip had the most enduring impact on the community. I hope this makes you as proud as it does me.”

Aug. 28 - from dad: “I'm very proud of what you have done and how you have approached the entire effort. You know that I have a better idea than most of what you have put into your SA teaching experiences. So, take a deep breath, tell yourself you have done well, and then look forward, not back!”

Aug. 31 - from britt: “Hi sweet lady - I read your blog and want you to know how much I love you and am send happy happy thoughts to you. the stress of uncertainty is drowned out by your lovely words and amazing energy.”

Sept. 2 - from lynn: “Oh Shannon – what beautiful smiles on all those pictures. They are so proud to be part of the library. You certainly brought and completed a wonderful project to those children and parents. Have you taken time to say to yourself “GREAT JOB”. If not- please do.”

Sept. 2 - from paige: “Congrats on the opening of the Library. You should be so proud of yourself for completing that goal. Just think how much these kids will gain from thie opening and that you were a part of this accomplishment.”

Library Opening

The Library Opening took place on 2nd September, though the students officially started using the space on the 31st of August. For the first couple of weeks it was important for me to run orientation classes with each of the grades. Especially since so many of the learners in Grades R - 3 had never even been inside of one before! Not necessarily a huge fan of etiquette, it has been important to instill a reverence in the students for the quiet intensity needed in a library.

The students in Grades 4-7 immediately started checking out books, and man! if only I'd had a camera to capture the sweet look of delight on their faces at the checkout desk. Absolutely beautiful.

I'm post-dating this entry, but must say almost 4 weeks later, the students are giving way to the culture of reading. Every day during the 25 minute interval (break) I manage lines of 20-40 students coming back for more books. It is incredibly inspiring to see the students literally eating up the books.

I had waited to spend the monies raised from donations to fill the gaps where need be. Turns out the girls are longing for romance books and the boys for adventure. Plus, I've had the chance to see how students respond to contemporary non-fiction books with bright, bold pictures (as opposed to the antiquated 1970s volumes our library boasts). With this in mind, I've started making my purchases.

To give you an idea of the importance of filling cultural desires, someone donated 2 copies of a High School Musical book - the book is constantly out and everyday at least 5 students ask if it's been returned! Not usually one to go for the mass-market, I'm finding if a TV show is the reason a book goes into someone's hands, well, it's a job well done.

The pictures displayed show the activity in the library the day of the official Launch. We were written up in the Atlantic Sun, a small community newspaper (not online), which has already led to some more donations. The choir did a serious number singing in the library - it truly felt like the library received a blessing, an oral ablution. It was a good start to what I hope will be a lasting legacy for the school and it's learners.

Library Meets Table Mountain

Between the pressure of opening the library doors to the students on Monday and dealing with funding issues for next year, it has been a helluva week. Not to mention finding myself in urgent need of new, cheap housing! To cap it off, I went on a hike up Table Mountain yesterday.

What better way to put the world, my little slip of a life, into perspective? I am sore and cramped but entirely elated today. It was a 5 hour hike, with many stops along the way, with my new friend Joe. He is a rock climber par excellence, so go figure that the entire last hour descending the mountain along Platteklip Gorge my legs were like jelly. I had absolutely no control over my thighs and every plonk of my feet was an effort of deliberation. Even at the finish I was slow to take each step, legs shaking like jello! My little left leg was vibrating uncontrollably as we left in my car, pressing on the clutch. But my, what a finish it was. Topped off by a sunset and later a salt bath, I'm on No. 9, having just made by biggest climb (by a long stretch) ever!

And so, what is the lesson, Miss Teacher Shannon? That the struggle is worth it? I think so. This week has been a ride of tears, of burying my head in the library bookshelves when no one was around, feeling like an absolute train wreck with no obvious track to pop back onto. And so it goes.

I have to share that I feel certain I will be staying in South Africa beyond my January plane ride home. I don't know what I will be doing, but I feel more than ever, with my legs barely able to lift, that I am in the best place for me right now. I've been more challenged than ever before and I am constantly able to push myself, more and more than I ever anticipated. I suppose for a great planner like myself, the biggest challenge yet will be to deal with the uncertainty spread at my feet.

One day at a time. Inch by inch. Is that not why I have a square inch tattooed on my shoulder? The library opens tomorrow and that is an incredible feat. Please, enjoy the photos of the last several Saturdays spent with dedicated volunteers, who aided my in prepping books for check out. Followed by the ever glorious hiker's photographic trail.

Lingerings of May

May seems like an awfully long time ago, but I never managed to upload these photos of my last few days in May before heading to the USA. In those few weeks I said goodbye to Ardine & Karlijn as Cape Town compatriots. Part of Cape Town seems to be a revolving door of amazing people, passing through, on their way out, on their way in. In my current transient state it is incredibly comforting, especially since many people I've met are foreign to SA. However, the major loss is saying good bye so many times. The biggest goodbye has yet to arrive, at the beginning of October, when my cousin Georgia, her husband Mike, and precious girl Rebecca emmigrate to Australia.

It is incredibly rewarding to flip back through all these photos! Truly, a gem of a group of people.

Just a quick description of what you're viewing: A winter sunrise view of the harbour, taken from the school's campus. A goodbye champaign toast on Signal Hill, glasses raised to the sunset with Lions Head in the background. A bunch of crazies dancing the Brazilian Forro.

Anticipation

I've been back in deep winter. What on earth could that possibly mean in a place where the weather is full of splendor on the weekends?! The weather may be sunny/windy, rainy/calm, indecisive/lukewarm, but my body and my mind are in winter of the subzero sort. Conjuring up thoughts of ice crystals on my eyelashes in Chicago, I've been cooped up, trying to make sense of the summer to come, of the year to come (all without the buffer of Christmas music in December)....

I feel like this blog is in a slump. It's been easy to post-date blogs, showing pictures of my travels & to recount (with lots of commas & lots of clauses) all the details of my fancies over the last couple months. In reality, I haven't been so forthcoming with all the ins and outs of my personal life. It's easy to write about the coffees, the international dinner parties, the German films, the penguins, the prospect of lovely dates, traveling to Lesotho, Koyaanisquatsi, amazing hikes, whale watching, good aubergine (eggplant) dinners at home, figs and naartjies, cheap Indian food, and so on (again, the commas). But, the emotions & the nitty gritty feelings of feeling lost are difficult to translate into words. It all seems to have amounted to a lack of good writing.

It's 10:34 and tomorrow is Monday. I've spent the last week in bed with a cold, hacking away at my computer keys, trying to find answers on the world wide web to ease the lack of solution in my life. Tomorrow I will find out if the Anglican Archdioceses will sponsor a position for me to continue teaching at St. Paul's Primary School for the year of 2010. I am nervous as a coot, scarf on, bundled in bed, unable to sleep. With little else to do but write, I find myself here, typing to a mysterious audience.

I'm on this verge of determining my life direction and I want it to keep me Cape Town for at least another year. I cannot put my finger on it now, but I'm tapping into something whole, a sacred part of myself in this place. And yet, my insides are bubbling with confusion. America gave me a real mind-trip because now I'm reflecting on the cupcake bliss of June. It feels all but real as I never hear from anyone except a few members of my family. And that makes home seem even further away.

It has been a busy month back in school. The past 3 weekends have been busy with volunteers, amazing helpers from both the school & the non-profit Organizing for Africa, all helping to ready the library. We've made a lot of progress and in fact this Friday I will open the doors to students to make use of the library! This part of my time in CT has been a long, dedicated journey and it is impossibly exciting to enable students access to books, books & more books.

Over the last 8 months in CT, I benefited from the graciousness of my cousin Margaret, who's allowed me to stay in her flat. Circumstances being as they are, I'm in need of a new place and that is part of the unsettled nature of my current head. I look forward to finding a place to share with others as living alone has led me to devious behaviors, such as watching soapies in the afternoon & taking maybe one-too-many bubble baths out of boredom.

While the flat situation is one part of my anxiety, the other is dealing with funding for my position. Hopefully some of that will be resolved tomorrow, but in the meantime I've been working on a grant proposal to fund me to organize books and libraries for 10 schools in the year 2010. It may be in the end that I work 2 separate jobs with 2 separate sources of funding to satisfy my desire to continue at St. Paul's.

Why is it so important that I stay on there, you might ask? I have poured myself into my work here & I know that the library will be a much stronger institution at the school should I have a chance to work on it longer. I need to involve more teachers, more parents, & more students in the ongoing running of such a place and the only answer to this is guided time. The more time I am able to offer, the more "in-place" the library will remain. The idea is to ensure that it can be self-sustaining without external support. That will take a lot of responsibility on the part of the school & parents. Building a "book culture" is a strong aspect of motivating such responsibility. It might be more than a two year task (this being year-one) but by next year we shall be able to see the impact of having available books for all readers.

I devoted a lot of energy while in the USA to consider graduate level education in the area of Arts Education. As I try to determine my status for South Africa for next year, it feels like a lead weight is keeping my hand from cracking the dreaded GRE book on my coffee table. I feel so secure in knowing education is what I want to dedicate my future to, but I suppose I'm taking my time in working towards certification. It could still happen in 2010, but it might be further away in 2011 or... I feel like a degree in Literacy Education is also tugging at my sleeve and perhaps I need just a little more time to determine if that's the best route for me.

On a lighter note, the book I've been collaborating on with my friend, Maya, is set to be sent to the publishers this week! It is an exciting moment and a long-awaited one. While we certainly don't expect immediate results, we have other buns in the oven. Our next book is just a notion of missing socks, with endless possibilities awaiting an outcome. One more exciting adventure to grow...

I suppose that's a wrap for tonight. Sometimes it takes sending words out into flatland to feel sorted.

2 Days with Miss Shannon

After 4.5 weeks in America, 3.5 days in Istanbul, 7 days in the Karoo at the family farm, and my first week back at school for 3rd Term, I have many a posting to go so I will start with the most recent and will work backwards from there! Just beware that I may post-date my blogs so they appear in the order in which they actually happened on the right hand tool bar.

First let me start by saying that I had the most incredible time with my mother while she visited her enormous South African family. One very special time we shared was when she came to visit me at St. Paul's. She witnessed a day's worth of classes and another day sorting out the library. Mom received the royal treatment from the teachers and staff at the school, including cups of hot tea on cold days, fresh, hot koe sisters - a Cape Malay specialty, lots of jokes in in Afrikaans, and finally, a real dose of thank yous for her letting me be at St. Paul's. The students were impressed to realize in physicality through my "mommy" that I am half South African, half American! Since the students call me Miss Shannon they called my mom Mrs. Shannon - very sweet.

Even though I'm still new to the school, it was nice to have another pair of eyes take in the spectacle of St. Paul's and convert that experience through a camera lens. I want to share with you the photographs that Mom took, detailing all the tiny moments of the day, from going to get my classes, walking to the library, witnessing the assemblies & class lines, prepping for the day and more. This might give you viewers a better window into my world as well:

Top to Bottom, Left to Right:
A green Cape Town in the rainy season, taken from the top of the school; Grade R-4 sitting and moving about during the weekly school Assembly; same; St. Paul's Entrance; Kindergarden or "Grade R" classes lining up in the morning; Grade 1 classes walking down the passage; me, prepping my class lists for the 2nd day of the school term; walking to the mobile units on the hill above the school to retrieve my first class of the day; walking down to the main building where I teach my classes; group from 5th grade; another group from 5th grade; the new, proud 6th grade students I'm training to run the library as Student Librarians.